Uncategorized

Loss and Grief

Finally getting around to posting my New Year Post, off to a late start, but the Chinese New Year starts February 1st, so maybe I am just aligning with that energy 😊

Here’s my latest blog post…

Gosh of all the topics to start off with on a new year! Or is it? It is the end of a year after all. It could be worth grieving over – another year gone. It is a usual time of reflection for sure. Another year passing can be a time of remorse on many levels, by time passing us by quicker than we would like. I definitely don’t think I am the only one that feels like this year in particular, has gone by quickly.

Grief is one of those emotions that people would like to avoid at all costs. There are so many instances in life where we can face grief – death of a loved one, or furry friend, a marriage, a friendship, loss of a job or way of life and even our home and our belongings through various tragedies. This 3D life is not an easy one. There are many instances of great change and loss that can impact us on a very deep level.

The first time I experienced true grief was when I lost my dog of 14 years, a Weimaraner named Bailey. He had been my faithful companion of unconditional love that we all are gifted with if we choose to let animals into our lives. When he passed, the emotional pain was unbearable. It is hard to recall just how hard the emotions were, but I do recall waking up in the middle of the night remembering that he had died. I remember these waves of emotion and this sinking feeling set in. But then, oddly, I would feel this wave of what felt like love, rush through my entire body as I lay on my bed. I always thought that was Bailey sending me love. Later, I heard when we experience grief, our spirit guides send us a wave of energy to help raise our energetic vibration. Even if it wasn’t Bailey sending me this love, I knew he was still around – he would show up in my dreams. It was so comforting. He was younger in the dreams, and I would throw a ball and he would go catch it. (And yes, I am getting emotional as I write this remembering my sweet dog even though it has been 6 years since he passed.) When he died, it was right before Christmas time. I was supposed to travel for the holidays but could not bring myself to go and pretend like I was okay when I was not. I remember sitting on the couch, feeling unable to do anything. It was such an odd feeling; I literally couldn’t make myself get up. Normal things would take me twice as long to do. The feeling of being so unmotivated and so unenergetic was foreign to me.

I remember complaining at that time, to my mom that I just couldn’t make myself do anything and she told me that I just needed to ‘force myself to get up.’ I know she meant well, but when you are experiencing something like that – it just doesn’t work that way. I found out that grief mimics depression. I had seen commercials about depression where these people were just sitting on the couch and their dog was like ‘take me for a walk’ and the owner wouldn’t get up and it was just sad. Well, I finally understood that feeling now and could totally relate!

Through life, we experience various instances where we have a loss in life. But what I have become acutely aware of lately, is that life keeps on going. Our lifestyles don’t really allow us to properly grieve. We have to get up, make that bed, dinner, go to work, attend to all of our responsibilities. Is that okay? What should we do? What can we do?

We all have our own issues, our childhood traumas and relationship traumas that we all carry around. But what about grief? Just pile that on to the rest of it?

My ex told me later that it took me a year to heal from losing my dog. I wish he had told me that sooner. Was I depressed for a year?? I do remember it was a difficult time – was it a year??

Recently, I had a loss of a different kind, which is the driver for this post and honestly one that I am shocked at myself for even having, but it is showing me the extent of loss that we may encounter in life. And I’m still processing it – to be totally honest.

Back in February of last year, we had a long cold snap of below freezing “Snowpocalypse” as many called it. I don’t recall how cold it was exactly, but as a Southerner, not really having to deal with this situation too often, I didn’t realize a lot of things I should have.

One of my passions is plants, especially tropical plants. Gardening is one of my favorite hobbies. When I moved into my current house in 2011, it was the first time I had a yard, and I was beyond excited to finally plant stuff in the ground! In fact, I couldn’t sleep at night because I had this huge yard, and I couldn’t decide on the layout for the gardens. I finally developed a plan and immediately began developing the flower beds in the spring of 2012. From then until 2021, I had planted many, many plants. Some I lost and replanted and as I later realized a gardener is much like an artist and is never satisfied with their work. I had a lot of learnings through that time period. But I eventually got into fruit trees, and I got a bit obsessed and planted things too closely because I wanted so many trees! Over the years, as the trees matured, I finally got fruits!! I had planted a few varieties that produced tons of fruit. One very small fruit tree would produce at least one hundred oranges.

I had created my own Tropical Retreat! I had two decks surrounded by greenery, palm trees, fruit trees – it was heaven to me. What was even more interesting was that I had originally been interested in the plants and flowers but was shocked to find just how exciting it was to have created a habitat! I had tons of little critters – like lizards, dragonflies, butterflies, moths, and birds! I loved to just sit outside with my morning cup of coffee or in the evening sit with a glass of wine. I had NO IDEA just how much the plants were giving to ME – just through their beauty.

So, you know where this story is going…

So, in February of 2021, I lost all of it. Granted, I had a few plants – my Ligustrum, my hibiscus, even my white birds of paradise eventually came back. But my palms and all of my fruit trees – probably around 20 – all gone.

It was truly devastating. I had a tree trimmer come out to take a look and he cut down the palm tree, my huge clumping bamboo (Bambusa gracilis), the other trees. I told him to hold off on the fruit trees – maybe they would come back? But no, they did not, so he had to come out a second time and take those down as well.

10 years of love and labor – all gone.

I sat outside and just cried, several times. It made me realize a few things. One is that I form unhealthy attachments, I think. I knew that I was too attached to those trees. They were my babies. I knew that if I were to move from this house, it would be too difficult for me to leave them there.

One day in April, during Spring migration – when the neo-tropical migrants come back from Central and South America and make their way back, I was standing in my living room looking out at the backyard, crying.

This is what I find so great about life – as I stood there crying, feeling horrible about my yard, FOUR birds came right to the window where I was. Two painted buntings (very colorful birds – but these were young and not yet in their full plumage) and two wrens. It was almost as if they were giving me a message of hope. That even though my yard was destroyed, it was almost as if they were letting me know, that they knew that I had tried to create a habitat and they still showed up to it. Although this wasn’t an energetic wave like I had experienced before, it was truly an uplifting experience that was not lost on me. It was not a coincidence! The Universe gives us signs and synchronicities when we need it.

I have yet to figure out what to do with my yard. I haven’t been motivated to plant anything or deal with the dead roots from the fruit trees. And I’m okay with that. I did plant a bunch of annual rye grass this winter, so my yard looks like the Scottish Highlands with super tall, super green grass. At least it’s green!

I don’t know the answer to dealing with these curve balls that life gives us. All I know is that it is a process, and each experience teaches me more about myself. The one thing I do want is for people to accept grief and to feel free to share, which is what I am doing. We are all dealing with various losses in life, and it isn’t always the death of a loved one that causes us to mourn. As we navigate these highs and lows in life just remember that we came to experience this earthly life and all of its challenges. It isn’t always an easy ride, and it helps us to grow in ways that we will eventually understand. Until then be patient with yourself if you are experiencing a rough time. It will get better!

In love, light, and gratitude,

Heather

spirituality · Uncategorized

Spiritual Insights I

I’ve had a lot of insights recently so I thought I’d share what I’ve learned. One of the things that I do when I am starting to feel ‘off’ is I take a look at some general things in my life to figure out what is going on. I think a part of growth is being able to look at yourself in order to become more self-aware. It takes time and effort – it doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a constantly evolving path and process.

For me – I was not sleeping well, I was getting 4 hours of sleep, then when I was sleeping I felt like I was half awake/half asleep but having these dreams where it felt so real. So when I would wake up – I would feel disoriented.

Additionally, for the past few weeks I’ve been feeling almost like this internal pressure building. I think I feel the energies coming in before they arrive. I intuitively felt that the upcoming full moon on October 13th was going to be a doozy, so I actively took 4 days to myself to process the energy.

[One video that captures these experiences we are going through is by Bassnectar and the song is called Reaching Out – which is about a person breaking free from the prison of their mind – it’s really a cool video to check out – be sure to read the video description]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exQIlfAkbMU

To determine why I feel this way, I examine some of the areas in my life:

  • Stress
  • Lifestyle
  • Diet
  • Sleep
  • Hormones
  • Ascension

So when I feel off, I look at general things that are going on in my life.

  • Do I have a lot of stress?
  • Am I not taking care of myself?
  • Am I working too much?
  • Are my hormones out of whack?
  • Am I not sleeping well?

All of these different things are all tied in together in actuality. One can cause the other to go out of whack. The last question that I ask myself is:

  • Are the ascension energies making me feel off?

The last question above is one of the reasons why I tune into others on this spiritual journey to check in with them to see what they are experiencing.

I follow Aluna Ash on YouTube and she has been saying that these energies are just going to continue to build up and that they are going to be coming in waves one after the other through the rest of the year.

I had watched a video by Kelli Coffee and she said that if you are having a hard time right now it’s because you are resisting and that totally resonated with me. What is resistance? To me, in some form or fashion we are not allowing what it is that we want to experience, or create into our lives. First, we need to take a look at what it is that we want in our lives. Here are a few examples: joy, success, a great career, a great relationship, financial abundance.

Next, we need to ask ourselves:

  1. Do I think I deserve it?

Deserving something at the core has to do with messages we may have received in our childhood. At some core level, we might have (unintentionally) absorbed the message that we are not worthy of whatever it is. These could be messages we picked up directly or indirectly from our childhood from our parents, relatives, teachers, friends, etc.

So how do we go about identifying if we deserve something? We can’t move forward unless we are able to crack the code. I’d recommend:

  1. Counseling
  2. Journaling
  3. Hypnosis

I personally find the best way for me to go through what I’m feeling is to journal. I think back on my childhood and recall past memories and feelings. It’s a very good process to analyze and evaluate your internal realm. Not all of us can navigate this process though which is where a good counselor can help. I also believe that there are healers that can help you access these emotions, belief systems and help you work through them.

Next, we need to ask ourselves:

  1. Do I believe it is possible?

Even if you consciously think something is possible, there could be underlying programs that are running behind the scenes sabotaging your ability to move forward. One thing to remember here also – is that we are always creating – either consciously or unconsciously, so maybe you do believe something is possible, but you keep on focusing on the opposite of what you want. And that is one of the issues that we face.

Like a hamster on a wheel, we keep running on our own bullshit story.

For me personally, as I journaled, one of the things that I realized that I was rejecting the present moment. That is a form of resistance. Instead of being fully present and engaged in the moment, I was rejecting it, resentful and wanting to be doing something else. This was a big aha for me.

When it comes to the Law of Attraction, one of the most profound pieces of information I came across was of the concept “thoughts are electric, feelings are magnetic.” Those few words really helped me understand how we can ‘think’ all that we want, but it is the FEELING state that is what attracts something into your life. Because it’s magnetic!

The other key point here is that you are fully engaged in the moment (not resisting), aware of what you want, and FEEL as if it already exists. That last part is where it can be tricky to hold the faith.

Along these lines, I just watched a video by Bob Proctor which I highly recommend:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz2NpjEX5TM&t=23s

As we go through the Ascension Process/Spiritual Awakening Process it’s important to do the necessary inner work. Journaling to me has been one of the most enlightening processes to help move me forward.

These energies can be difficult, but just remember to hang in there – we are all going through it together!

Order my book on Spiritual Awakening here:

Awakening by Heather Burket

Here’s my video on this topic:

In love, light and gratitude,

Heather Burket